Wherever Is Your Heart
by Rachel Wilder
Summary: Standing in Deacon's empty dressing room at the Opry, Rayna feels like it's ten years ago all over again. Was he really gone again? Takes place after ep 3.15.
1. Chapter 1

Rayna walked off the stage at the Grand Ole Opry and scanned the people in the wings of the stage.

Maddie and Daphne were with Teddy and Vince. It looked like Luke and Colt were gone. She scanned the faces again. Where was Deacon?

She waved to the girls and walked back toward the dressing rooms.

"Steve, did you see which way Deacon went?" she asked Steve Buchanan as he stood talking with Lorrie Morgan.

"Great job, tonight, Rayna," Lorrie said, reaching out to touch Rayna's arm.

"Thanks, honey, 'preciate you bein' here," Rayna replied.

"I saw him go back to his dressing room," Steve answered. "He was around the corner, third one down."

"Thanks," Rayna replied as she headed toward the hall of dressing rooms. She stopped outside the door with Deacon's name on it, tapped and then pushed the door open when no one answered.

It was empty. No guitars, no clothes, no Deacon.

* * *

**Ten years earlier**

Rayna looked down at the baby sleeping in the crib. This one was so different from her first. Maddie had been fussy but Daphne was such an easy baby.

Rayna tried to not think that it was because of personal circumstance, but she would have been the first to admit that she was much more relaxed with this baby than she had been with the first. Of course, Teddy was the only one who knew why exactly that was.

"She sleeping?"

Rayna looked over at Teddy at the door and nodded. She walked over to him and pulled the door to the nursery closed behind her.

"The child is just so easy," she said, smiling at her husband.

"Maybe we should have another one," Teddy suggested.

Rayna laughed and shook her head. "I don't know about that. I think two is a nice round number. Besides, Bucky's got me booked for the Opry this weekend and I'm just barely back into my boots and rhinestones. I never thought my feet were going to be a normal shape again after the last six weeks with this one."

Teddy smiled. "Okay. Well, we'll talk again in a couple of years. Two gorgeous daughters is a good start, but might be nice to have a little boy around here as well."

Rayna leaned in and kissed him. "We can talk about it."

"Mama," a small voice called down the hall from the kitchen.

"Yes, baby," Rayna said as she walked toward Maddie.

"Uncle Watty's on the phone. He has to talk to you," Maddie advised her.

"Well, you tell Uncle Watty that I'll be right there," Rayna replied.

She filled a glass of water and walked over to where Maddie waited patiently with the phone.

"Hey, Watty," she said as she sat down on the couch in the family room.

"Ray, I hear you're playing the Opry this weekend," Watty said.

"Yep, first step back to the road, I guess," Rayna replied. "Daphne's three months old and I think I'm back into fighting shape."

"I was wondering if I might ask for the honor of doing a duet with you," Watty inquired. "Something I've had around for a while, wrote for an old friend."

"Something I know?" Rayna asked as she put her feet up on the coffee table in front of her.

"Not sure," Watty replied. "It's called _The Rivers Between Us_."

"Well, I would never turn down the chance to share the stage with you. I hadn't really thought about what I was going to do. I've got a couple of new ones, but I really need some new material."

"Have you thought about writing with Deacon again?" Watty asked.

Rayna shook her head. "No, I mean, we wrote a lot of great stuff back in the day, but Watty, I haven't seen him or really talked to him for I don't know-maybe three years? It would be pretty hard to call him out of the blue and talk about writing again. And anyways…"

"It's complicated?" Watty offered.

"Yeah, that's a word for it," Rayna answered. "Plus, things are really good here now with the baby, Teddy, me. It's been good being off the road for a bit, having some real family time."

They made arrangements to meet at Watty's studio to practice the duet and then Rayna hung up.

Write with Deacon again? As tempting as it was, there was no way she was opening that can of worms back up again.

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen, give a big Grand Ole Opry welcome to one of our favorite guests, Miss Rayna Jaymes!"

Rayna headed onto stage, lifting her arms in greeting to the audience.

"Aw, thanks y'all, you're so sweet!" she called out as she reached the mike at the center of stage.

She turned back to the band and nodded as her guitarist, Jimmy, began playing the opening chords of her new song, _Already Gone_.

It was amazing to be back out on the stage, in front of the cheering audience. She smiled as she looked back at the band. She was home.

They finished the song to cheers from the audience.

"Thanks y'all. Means so much to me. As you know, I've been away for a little while welcoming my amazing baby girl, Daphne. And this week I got the sweetest offer from a good friend of mine. Mr. Watty White asked if I would sing a duet with him. So, please give a big Opry welcome to my dear friend, Watty White!"

Watty walked onto stage and gave Rayna a big hug.

"What a night, Rayna! You are as lovely as ever," he began. "But before there's any more singing, I need to ask you a question."

"What's that, Watty?" Rayna replied, smiling at him.

"Well, I'm wondering if you'd like to spend a little more time around these parts."

"Well, I'm happy to come whenever y'all have me," Rayna answered.

Watty smiled back at her. "Well, that's mighty good to hear, because Rayna Jaymes...you're the newest member of the Grand Ole Opry!"

Rayna looked over to see Vince Gill and Little Jimmy Dickens standing there holding a small trophy signifying her membership.

"Oh gosh!" she exclaimed. "For real?"

The men each hugged her as tears began to fall down Rayna's face.

"And I'm real sorry, Ray, I can't sing tonight," Watty explained as he coughed. "But I found the best fill-in I could get on short notice."

Rayna turned to find Deacon next to her. Damn Watty. He had orchestrated this. Deacon came over to give her a hug, pulling her close.

"This gonna be okay, Ray?" he whispered in her ear.

She nodded slowly, pulling back from him, looking over to catch Teddy in the wings holding Daphne in his left arm, Maddie's little hand in his right. She quickly looked back at Deacon.

The opening chords on the piano brought her attention back. Deacon came in on the guitar. She took a deep breath and they began to sing.

_The rivers between us are deep  
__And dark as the secrets we keep  
__We stand on the shores  
__Time running by at our feet  
__Oh, the rivers between us are deep_

_Our love is like the moon  
__Rising too fast and faded too soon  
__This night will soon be gone  
__Help me hold on_

_There are kingdoms to keep us apart  
__So we live out our lives in the dark  
__Love has a way of making you pay with your heart  
__There are kingdoms to keep us apart_

_Our love is like the moon  
__Rising too fast and faded too soon  
__This night will soon be gone  
__Help me hold on_

She started into Deacon's eyes as he held the last note. Oh god, what had they gotten themselves into?

Rayna came off the stage and headed straight to Deacon's dressing room. What did this mean? She knocked. And knocked again. Finally she pushed the door open. It was empty. No guitars, no clothes, no Deacon.

TBC

_This story might play a little fast and loose with Rayna and Deacon's timeline, so please forgive me if I'm a little elastic with what happened when and where..._

_The title is from a amazing song by Brandy Carlile and of course The Rivers Between Us is written by the fantastic JD Souther._


	2. Chapter 2

Rayna stood in the empty dressing room with her phone to her ear.

_You've reached Deacon Claybourne. Please leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to as soon as I can._

"Deacon...where'd you go?" Rayna asked. "Call me. Please."

She clicked end and stuck the phone in her pocket. She could hear the last set of the show starting and knew she'd better get back to the girls.

* * *

**Ten years earlier**

Rayna pulled up outside Soundcheck and parked. She looked in the backseat where Daphne was sleeping. She'd been on her way home from dropping Maddie off at kindergarten when her car had steered itself here.

Watty had been unapologetic about pulling the switch with Deacon on the duet the night before, but he had let it slip that Deacon was working in the studio this week on a few tracks on Martina McBride's new album.

She should just let it go. Deacon came. They sang a song. He left. Was she really going to wake a sleeping baby for that?

Daphne made a little noise and she looked back again. Now the baby's eyes were open.

"Well, I guess you called my bluff," she said to Daphne. With a sigh she opened the car door and got out. She grabbed her purse and the diaper bag and then with the practiced ease of a two-time mother, she freed Daphne from the carseat and tucked her in the crook of her arm.

As she was walking up to the door, it opened up and there stood Deacon.

"Hey," she said, stopping halfway up the steps.

"Hey," Deacon replied as he readjusted his grip on his guitar case. "Who's this?"

Rayna smiled at him and adjusted the baby so that she was sitting a bit more upright. "This is Miss Daphne."

"She's beautiful, Ray," Deacon replied. "Why are you here? You working on something new?"

"Uh, no," Rayna started. "Actually, uh, I was looking for you. Watty told me you'd be here."

"Oh," Deacon replied as he looked down at his feet.

"You got time for a cup of coffee?" she asked.

Deacon shrugged and looked at his watch. "Uh, yeah, I got time for that. I've got a...I've got a meeting at noon."

She'd heard that he was very diligent about regularly attending AA meetings. Frankly, if she had to be honest, there wasn't much of anything she didn't know about Deacon that she could find out without ever directly asking anyone or talking to the man himself. She knew he'd bought a house over in East Nashville, that he was doing a lot of studio work and occasionally going out on the road playing backup for different acts, but no one steady. She knew he'd kept that cabin along the Cumberland River that he'd bought for her.

And she knew that he'd never called her or tried to talk to her one time since he'd invited her to come to the meeting where he got his one year chip. He'd asked her to come and afterward he'd thanked her for saving him one more time.

And then that was it.

"How about that cafe over on Meridian?" Deacon suggested. "I've got a soft spot for their grits."

Rayna nodded. "Sounds good. I'll follow you."

She watched as Deacon headed to his truck, a gray Suburban. It looked new, something her circle of informers had not told her about.

She tucked Daphne back into the carseat and sat back in the driver's seat. Well, at least he didn't seem to be actively avoiding her.

* * *

Rayna parked next to Deacon and began the process of taking the baby back out of her car seat.

"Can I hold something for you?" Deacon asked as he walked up behind her.

She turned and held the baby out to him. "Sure. I just need to grab the diaper bag."

Deacon took Daphne from her, awkwardly holding the baby in his outstretched arms.

"Just put her in the crook of your arm, make sure her head is supported," Rayna coached. "You got her?"

Deacon nodded. "Uh, yeah," as he shifted her into his arms.

She pulled out the diaper bag and her purse and turned back to him. "You want me to take her?"

Deacon shook his head. "Nope, I think I've got it."

Rayna led the way into the cafe, holding the door for Deacon. They headed toward a booth about halfway down along the windows.

"Just let me slide in and I'll take her," Rayna said she she put her purse and bag down on the seat. She sat down and then held her arms out to Deacon, taking the baby from him. "Good job. Not the first time you've done that?"

She tried to not think about how the words sounded. Not the first time with my baby because I never told you about Maddie, cause you were never around when she was that little.

"Well, with my niece. You remember Scarlett?"

"Oh my, of course," Rayna replied. "Wow, how old is she now?"

"Just turned fifteen last month," Deacon answered.

"You see her very often?" Rayna asked.

Deacon shrugged and took a sip of the coffee the server had poured for him. "I was down in Mississippi a couple of months ago. My sister wasn't doing very well."

"Sorry to hear that," Rayna replied. The conversation between them felt so polite. So restrained. So weird. "So, last night…"

Deacon looked up from the menu. "Yeah."

"Where'd you go?" Rayna asked. "I was surprised that you didn't even wait until I was done. I wanted to thank you."

Deacon took another sip of coffee and shot her a look. "I got the sense that it would be a good idea if I split."

"Who gave you that idea?" Rayna asked, reaching for her glass of water.

"Your husband," Deacon replied. "You were busy on stage, but I think it's fair to say that he did not think much of our performance."

"Did Teddy say something?" Rayna asked.

Deacon shrugged.

"Did he?" she asked again.

"He told me that you had finally gotten over me, that I needed to disappear again, just like all the other times cause you were finally happy and I didn't need to ruin it. Again."

Rayna sighed. "Sorry. I hope you know I don't feel that way."

"Yeah, but he does have a point, Ray. I mean, us, keeping our distance. It looks like that's been good for you."

"Good and bad," she replied. "Yes, my life is full and I have my family that I love, but the music just isn't...something's missing Deacon and I've spent the past few years trying a lot of different things to figure out what that is, but I think what's missing is you."

Deacon looked out the window, then turned back to her, sitting across from him, holding Teddy's baby. "I'm not sure that's the best thing for you or me, Ray. It hasn't been all that long that I stopped seeing me, holding you, in our bed, every time I closed my eyes at night. The songs I write-they have two basic themes. You. And the bottle. That's it. I don't think I can be near you and not be with you."

His words shocked her. Because they were true for her, too. "So we can never be friends?" Rayna asked.

Deacon shrugged. "I don't know how."

He took a last sip of his coffee and laid down a five dollar bill on the table. "I should get going, but it was great to play with you last night, Rayna, and congratulations. You know I never want anything but the best for you."

He stood up and paused. "See you, Ray."

As she watched him leave, the baby started to fuss. Rayna looked down at her. Daphne was expressing exactly what she wished she could.

She couldn't have him. Worse yet, she couldn't not have him.

* * *

That night as Rayna got into bed, she turned on her side facing Teddy. "Did you say something to Deacon last night?"

Teddy set down the book he was reading and looked over at her. "Why? Did he say something?"

Rayna shrugged. "I was just surprised he left before I could thank him."

"Is that gonna be a regular thing again?" Teddy asked.

Rayna rolled on her back and looked up at the ceiling. "What do you mean?"

"Is Deacon coming back to your band? Are you going to perform with him again?"

Rayna looked over at him. "Would that be a problem for you?"

Teddy was quiet.

"You know I love you, that I am in love with you and our daughters," Rayna responded. "Deacon means nothing to me except as a friend."

"I saw the way you looked at him on stage," Teddy replied. "Everyone saw it. That isn't how friends look."

Rayna didn't respond. She didn't need to because he was right. Singing a song like that, with Deacon-it was never going to just be music. There had been too much between them in the past to ever be able to perform like that again without it going somewhere she couldn't let it go.

But maybe she could be friends with Deacon. If they had rules. It was definitely something she'd have to think about.

TBC

_Thanks for the reviews! As always, I love hearing that you think if you have a minute._


	3. Chapter 3

Rayna sat down on the couch in the dark family room and pushed the button on her phone again. She listened as Deacon's message greeted her again.

"Deacon, please call me back. We need to talk," she said before ending the call.

She pushed the button to call again. Message. She called again. Message.

After ten unanswered calls, she set the phone back down.

Why was he shutting her out now?

* * *

**Ten years later**

Rayna looked down at the sheet of paper in front of her. They could do this if there were rules. Now she just needed to figure out what those rules would be.

\- No duets

\- No singing any of the old songs

\- She would give Deacon a real job

She picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number. It rang seven times before she heard his voice.

"Deacon," he said brightly.

"Hey," Rayna started. "It's...it's Rayna."

"Hey, Ray," he responded. "What's up?"

She folded the paper in front of her in half and pushed it away. "I was wondering if we could get together. I've got something I need to talk to you about."

"You think that's a good idea?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I'm not sure, but I'd like to talk about it at least. Can we meet?"

She heard Deacon sigh.

"Yeah, we can do that. Where?" he asked

She sat for a moment. Every place they had ever met before had so many memories, so many potential issues.

"Uh, do you know Percy Warner Park? Out here by my house?" she asked.

"You want me to come to Belle Meade?" he asked laughing. "Things have changed, Rayna Jaymes."

She explained where she would be and he agreed to meet her in an hour. As she hung up the phone, she unfolded the paper. Yes, if there were rules, this could work.

* * *

Rayna parked her car and pulled Daphne out, this time putting her in the stroller. As she walked toward the stone steps by the river, she could see the baby's eyes were beginning to close.

She had waited for about ten minutes when Deacon walked up. She couldn't help but let her eyes drift down his body. Plaid shirt, worn jeans, scuffed boots but at the same time he was healthy, eyes bright, just the right amount of scruff.

Rules.

"Hey, looks like you brought my new best friend," Deacon said as he walked up, a smile across his face.

"Shhh….she's asleep," Rayna warned.

Deacon sat down next to Rayna. "And you don't wake a sleeping baby, do you?"

Rayna shook her head.

"So, three times in a week, Ray. What's this about?" he asked.

Rayna stuck her hand in her pocket feeling the paper. She didn't have to bring it out. She didn't need Deacon to see that not only were there rules, but that they were in writing. Maybe it was a better idea if it was just more conceptual.

"So, I'm going to go back into the studio at the end of the month," Rayna began. "And I'm wondering if you'd be willing to do some session work with me."

Deacon looked over at her. "Yeah?"

Rayna nodded. "Yeah. I've got probably seven tracks picked, but I need a few more. Randy's brought me some good stuff like _Already Gone_ but I'd like to write a couple."

"Sounds like a good idea. I wondered why you kept working with co-writers. You know you could written a lot of your recent stuff yourself, Ray. You've always been a good songwriter."

Rayna frowned. "I don't know if it's the baby or what, but I'm stuck, Deacon. I've got a couple of things started, but they just aren't quite there."

"So, you want someone for session work and you need a co-writer?" Deacon asked.

"Yeah, I guess so," Rayna replied. "Session work and some writing. Would that work for you? I mean, if I had Bucky draw up contracts and send them over?"

"And where does this lead?" Deacon asked. "We just leave it at that?"

Rayna shrugged again. "If it goes well, then maybe you consider joining the tour as my band leader. I'm on the market for someone new."

"And what will Teddy think?" Deacon asked. "I can't imagine he'd be too happy about that."

Rayna looked over at the sleeping baby. "You leave Teddy to me. But us working together, being friends-he has nothing to worry about if that's what's going on."

"And would that be what's going on, Rayna?" Deacon asked, his voice quiet.

She looked away from the baby to find him looking straight at her. "Yes, that's what it would be."

Deacon stood up. "Let me think about it?"

"Yeah, think about it," Rayna replied. She stood up as well. "Nice to see you, Deacon."

He looked over at her. "Nice to see you, too, Rayna."

* * *

Rayna looked across the table at Deacon. "So, I have this start...might be something there." She pushed her notebook across to him.

"'I can't remember the last time I laid down in a field of wild flowers'," Deacon read off the sheet. "I like this, Ray. I think we can do something with it. How about this for a next line-'felt the wet grass on my skin'."

Rayna nodded.

They worked a bit longer on the chorus and bridge until Deacon laid down his pencil. "Why don't I work on tracking this out and maybe we can try recording it tomorrow?"

Rayna thought for a moment, then pulled her calendar out of her bag and flipped it open. "I've got a well-baby appointment for Daphne in the morning after I drop Maddie off at school, but I could probably come back in the afternoon or better yet, maybe tomorrow night after the kids go to bed? Would 8 pm be too late for you?"

Deacon laughed. "How many years was it before we ever even went on stage before 10 pm?"

Rayna nodded and laughed as well. "Well, I'm a wife and mother now...things are different and 6 am comes a lot sooner than it used to in the old days."

Deacon nodded, but didn't respond. He always got quiet when she talked about her life now, but she had to. It was a fact. She was Teddy's wife and she was Daphne and Maddie's mother.

And she was Deacon's friend. She repeated it in her head again. They were friends.

* * *

Rayna finished reading a third book to Maddie. As she closed the cover, she looked down. The little girl had finally fallen asleep. She eased off Maddie's bed and turned off the light. The room was filled with a warm glow from the nightlight on the wall.

She walked across the room and pulled the door most of the way closed behind her.

"You leaving now?"

She looked up to find Teddy standing there. "Quiet-it took 3 books to get her to sleep tonight. I don't want her waking up again."

"And I don't think I want you going to the studio at night," Teddy shot back.

"Then tell me when to do it," Rayna replied. "You're gone during the day, I only have three hours when Maddie's at school and you were the one who didn't want a nanny."

"You were the one who didn't want a nanny," Teddy replied.

"Well, I want one now," Rayna responded. "I need to get back into the studio and finish this album. And then I'm going to be back on the road and I'd like to have the girls with me when I can."

Teddy leaned against the wall. "And how exactly is that going to work, Rayna? You're on the road, Maddie's in school, where is the baby? How does a nanny help with all of that?"

Rayna shrugged. "I don't know, Teddy, but I'm trying to figure it out, but if I don't get this record finished, we won't have to figure anything out, cause there won't be a tour."

"Maybe that's something we should think about," Teddy replied. "What about taking a break for a little while?"

"And do what?" Rayna asked. "Be a housewife?"

Teddy raised his fingers up to his lips. "Shh...remember, sleep babies, or maybe you don't want to be a stay at home mom to your daughters."

"Teddy, we're gonna talk about it later," Rayna replied as she started walking down the hall away from Maddie's room. "I'll be a few hours tonight. Don't wait up for me."

"Tell Deacon I said 'hi'," Teddy shot back as she continued walking away from him.

* * *

When Rayna pulled up to the studio she was still fuming. Teddy knew this was what she did, what her passion was. Had she ever suggested she'd consider leaving music?

She sat in her car for a minute when there was a tap at the window. She looked up to see Deacon standing there, holding his guitar in one hand.

"You coming in?" he asked his voice muffled through the closed window.

She looked up at him. Damn. Coming to make music with Deacon after a fight with Teddy was not a good idea.

"Ray?"

She unbuckled her seat belt, opened the door and got out.

"Everything okay?" he asked as he held the door for her.

Rayna sighed. "Yes, it's fine. Hey, did we come up with a title for this song?"

"I think it has to be _American Beauty_," Deacon responded. "I love what you did with that chorus."

Rayna followed Deacon down the hall into the studio. "Thanks again for coming in late like this. Was it a problem for the rest of the band?"

"Nah," Deacon replied. "They were just excited to get back in the studio with you."

She looked back at him. "Were they, now," she teased. It hurt her heart a bit to admit it, but she had thought of little else but being back in the studio with Deacon. She wondered if she would get that feeling of invincibility that was always present when she worked with him before. Cause that feeling had been hard to come by in the years without him. Everything seemed just a little less…

"Okay, let's get it set up," Deacon said as they walked in and greeted the sound engineer. Rayna shook hands with the new producer Bucky had found, an up and coming guy named Randy Roberts.

They had been working for about three hours when Randy pulled off his headphones and waved them into the booth.

"I think we got it," he said as Deacon and Rayna joined him. He ran the tape back and hit play.

Rayna's voice and Deacon's guitar filled the room along with the rest of the band. Rayna's head nodded as the track played along.

"That's it," she said as the last notes finished.

"Great," Randy replied. "So, give me a call when you're ready to do the others?"

"Definitely," Rayna replied. "And, you know, I'm thinking maybe we should redo _Already Gone_ with Deacon. Listening to the crowd at the Opry, I think that could be the single."

"I was thinking the same thing," Randy replied. "And I think it's going to be the first single. Because this one is gonna need a release as well. You're really gone deep here, Rayna."

Rayna looked back at Deacon, standing by the door, his guitar still slung over his shoulder. "I got a good partner."

"So, do you want to come in tomorrow and do those tracks, Deacon?" Randy asked.

Rayna looked at him, then at Randy. "How about we do the whole thing, my vocals, everything. Night after tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Randy said. "I can do that."

Deacon looked at her, a little frown on his face. "Yeah, that works...if that's what you want to do, Ray."

She looked at him and smiled. "I do."

She pulled into the garage next to the dark house and sat in the car for a minute. She hadn't broken any of the rules. It wasn't a duet. It wasn't an old song. But it had been there, just like she thought it might be, like it was magic. That spark between her and Deacon, it still existed.

Now she just had to figure out how to stay close enough to the flame to get the warmth without getting burned.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Rayna woke up with a start. She turned on the light and picked up her phone. No calls. No messages.

Where had Deacon gone and why wasn't he answering her calls?

She looked at the clock. It was 3 am. There was part of her that was tempted to go drive by his house, but his truck hadn't been there when she drove by on her way home from the Opry-not a direct route by any navigation system and she had a sneaking suspicion she wouldn't find him if she went now.

She'd try again in the morning and if he didn't answer then, well, she was going to track him down using any means necessary.

* * *

**Ten years earlier**

"Hon, can we talk?"

Teddy looked up to see Rayna in the door of his office. He nodded and waved her in. She sat down in the chair in front of his desk. He stood up and walked over and sat down next to her.

"What's up, Rayna?" he asked. He was pretty sure he knew what might be going on, but wanted to hear it from her.

She looked down at her hands and then back up at him. "I want to talk about the tour."

"And Deacon," he added.

She nodded and reached over for his hand. Hers hung in the air for a moment, then he reached over to her and took the soft hand in his.

"So, you want him back in the band?" he asked.

"I do, but I'll only do it if you're okay with it," she replied. "Deacon is my friend, but you are my husband and I love you, Teddy. You're the father of my children and my family. I feel like I really need Deacon out there with me, on the stage, but you're the one I need everywhere else."

He looked at her intently. He wanted to believe that was true.

"It's going to be a completely different tour," Rayna went on. "I'll have my bus, the band will have theirs. I'll have the girls and the nanny with me, you when you want to join us. Deacon is the bandleader, he's playing guitar. We're not doing our old stuff, the duets, anything like that."

Teddy listened as Rayna went on about her arrangements. But as he listened, he wasn't sure who she was trying to convince that this was all totally different. Was it him? Or was it her?

And if he did say everything he was thinking, would that make her change her mind or would she just run away with Deacon? And take the girls. His girls. Except not actually…

Teddy shook his head, trying to make that thought, the memory about Maddie and what they never spoke about, just make it go away.

"You're shaking your head 'no'," Rayna said. "You don't think I should do this?"

Teddy shook his head again. "No, Rayna, I think you need to get back out on stage and it sounds like you've made a good plan. So, I say, make the offer to Deacon and see what he says. I know he's your past and I'm the present and future. It's fine, Rayna."

He smiled, but it felt a little pinched around the corners. Just smile, Teddy, he told himself. And it will all be fine.

* * *

Rayna sat across from Deacon in a booth back at the cafe they had met in after they sang at the Opry.

"So, are we going to do this?" she asked, Deacon's unsigned contract sitting on the table between them.

"How exactly is this going to work?" Deacon asked.

"Well, I think it's about moving forward and us having a new kind of relationship," Rayna began. "I trust you and I value you both as a musician and as a friend. So, I'm asking you to play in my band, ride the bus with the rest of the guys, work with me on the music and help me keep my temper in check."

"Is that last one written down?" Deacon said, smiling.

"Well, at least make sure there's a little pack of peanuts for me to eat if I get ornery. What did you used to call that?"

"Your diva dip?" Deacon offered.

Rayna laughed and nodded. "Yes, my diva dip. But, there's some other stuff I want to talk about." Her voice had gotten more serious.

"Yeah?" Deacon responded.

"I don't think we should do the old songs, anymore," she said quietly. "That's not who we are anymore. I'm excited about our new stuff and I want to write more, that's why I want you on the road so bad, but we're not gonna do the old stuff."

Deacon took a sip of coffee and sighed. "I get it, Ray. And you're probably right. And I appreciate you believing in me this way. I know you didn't put it in that contract, but know that I'll keep going to my meetings while we're out. I know that this only happens if I stay clean."

"Thanks, Deacon," Rayna responded. "I appreciate you saying that and there's nothing I want more than that. But I think that is also the reason we need to watch how we are with each other. I don't want to be putting out the wrong message to you, confusing you."

Deacon shook his head. "No, I get it, Ray. This is a new deal and I'm cool with that."

She held out her pen to him and he took it, winking at her. He opened up the contract to the final page and signed his name, then passed it to her and she signed below it.

"Welcome to the tour," Rayna said, holding her hand out to shake his.

* * *

It was their second week out, wrapping up the encore when it happened. He was a loud guy, in the front and she could hear him as plain as day.

"Postcard from Mexico!"

It wasn't one of their love songs. But it was a song that she and Deacon wrote when they were in love. And it was about a pretty hot weekend they spent in Cancun after Deacon's second trip to rehab.

It would seem to be crossing a line-breaking one of her rules.

But they'd also kind of written the song as a joke. She looked back at Deacon, smiled and nodded. He played the opening chords and came up to join her at her microphone.

_(One day)  
__I saw him walking  
__(On the street)  
__We started talking  
__(Downton)  
__Now I'm movin'  
__(In the ring)  
__Now I'm groovin'_

Halfway through the first verse, she knew she was playing with fire. Deacon was playful. And sexy and she knew it was for the audience, but she found herself playing back to him.

She tossed her hair back, watching him with the guitar, her eyes gliding down his body, taking in every move. Undressing him.

And she could feel his eyes on her, doing much the same.

_(Loves comes)_  
_Love comes_  
_(Love goes)_  
_Love goes_  
_(She's gone)_  
_I'm gone_  
_To Mexico_

When they finished, she bowed to the audience again. There would be no third song or second encore. That was a night. "Thanks, y'all!" she called and then walked off the stage and went straight back to her dressing room and called Teddy.

"Yeah, it was a good show, but I miss you, babe. You think you could join us in Dallas? Do the Texas and Southwest leg?" she asked.

The door half open, she was too busy on the phone to see Deacon standing there listening as she talked to Teddy. When she hung up, with Teddy's assurance he'd fly down in two days to meet her, she sat for a moment, then decided she had better to explain to Deacon.

She walked down the hallway, accepting the congratulations of the crew, the venue staff and other folks backstage, but when she got to the second set of dressing rooms, the sign with Deacon's name was torn half off and he was gone.

* * *

Deacon walked up to the idling tour bus and waited a moment until the driver opened the door.

"Hey, Deacon," the driver greeted him. "Enjoyed what I saw of the show tonight."

"Thanks, Joe," Deacon replied. "It was something."

He walked past the booth and long seat, through the little kitchen and past the bunks for the rest of the guys in the band. He had been surprised the first time he got on the bus when Bucky told him the bedroom in back was for him. Sure, he'd slept in the real bed in the back of a tour bus lots of times, but it had always been with Rayna in bed with him. Was this her way of indicating that he should bring whomever he wanted back to the bus? Or a sign of respect for his music and his importance to the tour as a whole?

In typical fashion, he didn't waste too much time trying to figure it out. And he'd tried both options. He'd sat there playing music and writing some new stuff and he'd also christened the bed with a waitress he'd met in Kansas City.

He was not going to sit around like a eunuch waiting for Rayna Jaymes to crook her finger back at him.

And at the same time, he wouldn't mind if they finished every single show like they had tonight. But, listening to Rayna on the phone with her teddy, he was pretty sure that tonight had been the last time he was ever singing anything about Mexico with Rayna Jaymes.

He knew that he needed to keep a lid on it, on the way he felt about her just like he needed to keep a lid on his drinking. And just like the drinking, this stuff with Rayna had triggers. She'd said they needed to stay away from the old stuff and it turns out she was right. To be the new Deacon, with the new Rayna meant giving that all up for good.

But he'd be lying if he didn't wish for the old days. Every time he thought he had it beat, that he could be Rayna's friend without that feeling coming straight through him like a knife, there it was again. But it took five times in rehab to give up booze and pills, so maybe he just needed to exercise the same kind of patience and persistence with this friendship thing.

But just like drinking, on days like this, he didn't care about what destruction it would cause. If Rayna was standing in his door right now, he wasn't sure he'd be able to exercise any kind of restraint.

At the sound of a knock on his flimsy fake wood door he looked up.

"Hey," Rayna said. "We need to talk about that?"

Deacon shrugged.

"Cause I'm thinking it was my fault. I told you we shouldn't do that old stuff and then I wanted to-I wanted to sing that song with you," Rayna explained. "And then, when it was over, I felt really awful."

"So awful you called Teddy to get him out here," Deacon replied.

A confused look crossed her face. "How'd you know that?"

"I came to your dressing room to check on you," Deacon responded. "Heard you talking to him. Heard you ask him to come out here and tour with us."

Rayna came over and sat down on the bed. "You know there can never be anything between us again," she started. "I'm with..."

"Yeah, you're with Teddy, I'm the past, I know all that stuff Rayna," Deacon interrupted. "But here's the thing-I'm not sure having Teddy out here with us, to keep an eye on you, is the way to handle it. Either you can be around me, play music with me and still go home to your husband-home to Nashville, that is or we probably need to just stop doing this, because I'm not putting myself in between you and him and I'm not gonna have him between you and me."

He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to take her in this bed. But he was never making the first move. If there was any chance, ever for the two of them, he'd have to wait for her to come back.


	5. Chapter 5

Rayna was sitting in the kitchen drinking her third cup of coffee when the sun came up. She was headed to the pot to make more when Maddie walked in.

"Did you ever talk to Deacon last night?" Maddie asked as she sat down at the kitchen counter on one of the stools.

Rayna shook her head. "No, I tried him a few times and he never answered."

"Did something happen?" Maddie asked. "He seemed to happy when he came. What did you do?"

Rayna filled the coffee pot with water and switched it on to brew. She turned back to face Maddie. "Nothing. But, has he seemed okay to you, lately?"

Maddie shook her head. "No, he's been nothing like himself lately, like ever since you called off the wedding."

"Like what?" Rayna asked as she brought over a glass of juice she'd poured for Maddie.

"Like all that stuff I told you about-he'd cancel lessons or not answer my calls. And then that day he did have me over for a lesson, he kept saying he might not be around and then he cried."

"Cried?" Rayna asked. "And where did he say he would be going?"

"He said he'd probably be on tour. Or maybe at the cabin, like retired."

"That is a little weird," Rayna agreed. "So, I arranged for Talia's mom to take you guys to school this morning. I'm going to go over and see if he's home this morning, but if he isn't, I'm just going to drive up to the cabin and see if he's there. If that's where he went, his phone probably isn't working."

"I can watch Daphne after school." Maddie offered. "Can we order pizza?"

Rayna nodded. "Yes, I'll leave money here and I won't be home too late."

"Just figure out what's going on with him, Mom. I saw you guys before you went out and then when you were singing. You love each him and he loves you. He told me that. He told me that he'd love you until the day he died."

Rayna walked over and gave Maddie a hug. "We'll get it worked out, honey."

* * *

**Ten years earlier**

"Yeah, you're with Teddy, I'm the past, I know all that stuff Rayna," Deacon interrupted. "But here's the thing-I'm not sure having Teddy out here with us, to keep an eye on you, is the way to handle it. Either you can be around me, play music with me and still go home to your husband-home to Nashville, that is or we probably need to just stop doing this, because I'm not putting myself in between you and him and I'm not gonna have him between you and me."

Rayna sat next to Deacon, thinking about what he had just said. Was that what she was trying to do?

She was just about to deny it when there was a tap on the door.

"Rayna?" Sam, the bass player said through the door. "Joe says were about the roll out. You staying with us or going back to your bus?"

"Yeah, I'm coming," she said as she looked at Deacon and stood up. Saved by the knock. Or not.

"Sleep well, Rayna," Deacon said as she opened the door.

She turned back. "You, too, Deacon."

The next day she didn't come to lunch before sound check. Deacon wondered if she was avoiding him. But when he walked into the arena with his guitar he saw the reason for her absence.

"Hey, Teddy," he greeted Rayna's husband.

"Deacon," Teddy replied.

"Hey, Uncle Deacon, wanna see what Daddy brought me?" Maddie clamored at him.

"Sure, honey," Deacon said as he set his guitar case down on the floor.

"Maddie, come on, we can do that later," Teddy replied. "We need to go find your mom."

Before Deacon could respond, Teddy had taken Maddie's hand and started leading her away from the stage toward Rayna's dressing room with Maddie crying and protesting every step of the way.

Teddy always seemed a little awkward around him, but no more than when he was with the girls, especially Maddie. It was like he was jealous that they liked Deacon. Deacon shook his head. For a man who looked so uncomplicated on paper, he'd never figure out Teddy Conrad.

* * *

Rayna finally showed up for sound check nearly ten minutes late looking harried with her hair not quite fixed and what looked suspiciously like baby spit-up on her shirt.

"Sorry, y'all," she apologized as she walked onto stage.

"It's okay, Ray," Deacon responded. "We've been working on some of the fills for that new song you wanted to try."

"Okay, let's go from the top," she replied.

After running through parts of each song including the new one she'd written with Deacon the week before, Rayna released the band to go get dinner and get ready for the show.

"Everything okay?" Deacon asked as they walked off the stage.

She smiled at him weakly. "Yeah, I mean, it's not easy being a mama and it's really not easy being a mama on tour. I'd better get back to them."

Deacon put an arm around her and gave her a squeeze. "You're doing a great job, Ray."

She looked up at him and he was surprised to see tears in her eyes. "I'm really trying, Deacon. I just...it's just...it's hard."

He watched as she walked away. He could tell that she was overwhelmed. And the last thing he was going to do was to make that harder, no matter how much he wanted to do so.

* * *

Rayna came off the stage that night to find Teddy waiting for her.

"Good show out there," Teddy said.

"Where are the girls?" she asked, looking around.

"I sent them back to the hotel with the nanny," Teddy explained. "I thought maybe we could have some time together."

Rayna nodded, watching as Deacon went over and talked to a couple of the back-up singers from the band that had opened for them that night.

"Ray?"

She looked back over. "Yeah?"

"So, did you want to go to the after party or maybe do something else? We've got a free night."

"Uh, the party?" Rayna responded.

Teddy shrugged. "If that's what you want to do."

Rayna swiveled again, watching Deacon again as he walked off with a tall blonde.

"Rayna?" Teddy said again. "The party? Or do you want to go wherever Deacon's going with that girl?"

Rayna turned back to her husband. "No, that's not it, I'm just trying to figure out where Bucky went to. But, we should go to the party for a little bit. There will be promoters there that I should talk to."

"Oh, okay," Teddy replied. "I mean, I figured this was our one night before I took the girls back home."

"Sure, hon, we can do that, I just...let's go to this party for a while and then we can do that," Rayna replied, though she was clearly distracted.

"Rayna, if you don't want me here, you need to just say that," Teddy responded. "But you were the one who called and asked me to come."

She turned back to him and flashed her famous smile. "No, I'm so glad you did, Teddy. So glad. So, let's go, shake some hands and then we can have our night."

He followed her as they went backstage to the hospitality suite. It was filled with local dignitaries, radio people, Edgehill staff and the members of the band. But as both Rayna and Teddy noted as soon as they walked in, there was no Deacon and there was no leggy blonde.

* * *

"C'mere," Rayna slurred as she pulled Teddy toward the bed. "A night off and with my gorgeous husband."

Teddy stood at the edge of the bed where Rayna had half sat, half fallen. "You're drunk, Ray and not a very pretty drunk at that."

"No, I just wanted to have some fun tonight," she explained, as she struggled to take off her boots.

Teddy knelt down next to her and helped her first take off the boots, and then the skintight jeans she'd worn to the party.

"Oh, it's like a party in here," Rayna exclaimed as she lay back on the bed.

"What do you mean?" Teddy asked as he stood next to his half-naked wife, who lay across the bed.

"Cause it's all spinning like a disco ball," she replied. "Oh…"

She jumped up and started making her way toward the bathroom. Teddy followed her and pushed past her to lift the toilet seat before she emptied the contents of her stomach.

"Here," he said handing her a glass of water. "Rinse out your mouth and let's get you into bed."

He helped Rayna back into the bedroom, pulling the covers back and assisting her as she got between the cool sheets. He stood there for a minute, then walked to the other side of the bed, grabbed a pillow and headed into the living room of the suite, closing the bedroom door and leaving Rayna alone in the bed.

* * *

The next morning Rayna woke up with a crushing headache. She was ready to pull the covers back over her head when the door to her bedroom opened and Maddie ran in and jumped on the bed. Teddy walked over and handed her Daphne and a bottle.

"I'm going to go get some coffee," he said as he walked back toward the door. Rayna thought about asking him to bring her something, but then decided against it. She tucked the baby in her arm, brought the bottle to her mouth as Daphne made a face and burst into tears. Maddie continued jumping on the bed for another minute until she fell off the end and burst into tears and after a few minutes of listening to them both cry, Rayna joined in.

"Ray?"

She looked up to see Bucky standing in the door.

"Can I do anything?" he asked as he came in and picked Maddie up off the floor. He settled her back on the bed and she calmed down. She tried again with the bottle, this time Daphne tried it hesitantly.

"You any good at turning back time?" she asked him.

He chuckled. "Looked like you were having a pretty good time last night."

She shrugged and wiggled the bottle in Daphne's mouth a little bit. "Had to wean the baby since Teddy's taking her home with him, so yes, I might have gone a little crazy."

"Where is Teddy?" Bucky asked, looking back out into the living room.

"He ran away," Rayna replied. "I don't think he's very happy with me right now."

"Well, we've got those two press events set up in an hour and then we're going to be ready to hit the road after noon? You gonna be ready for that?" Bucky asked.

"Yeah, the nanny should be back soon. Can you send Jennifer up. I'm gonna hop in the shower as soon as I've got these girls taken care of and then I should be ready for hair and makeup," Rayna replied. "But bring some ginger ale, if you can and maybe a few cups of strong coffee."

Bucky nodded and headed for the door. "You sure you're doing okay?"

Rayna looked at him and shrugged. "I'm doing, Buck. Just like always."

Thankfully the nanny arrived and was able to take the girls to get dressed and get Maddie some breakfast. By the time she got out of the shower Teddy had returned.

"Sorry about last night," she apologized as she came back into their bedroom, wearing a robe and her hair in a towel.

"Yeah, me too," Teddy responded. "You made quite a scene, Ray."

She would probably have been more sorry, more embarrassed if she wasn't so darn hungover.

"What was that about?" he asked. "Me being here or Deacon being with that woman?"

Rayna loosened the towel around her hair, drying it a bit more and then beginning to comb it out. "Let's not do this, Teddy."

"Then when are we going to do it, Ray?" he asked. "You wanted me here and then you couldn't get away from me fast enough. You want the girls on tour and now you're sending them home. I can't seem to figure out what you need or want or what will make you happy. But I know I didn't want to come here and take care of you while you're drunk. I saw my mom do that enough growing up with my dad."

"That was just a mistake," Rayna replied. "And if anyone knows about taking care of a drunk, its me."

"Yeah, well, sometimes it still feels like the only one you're looking out for is that drunk," Teddy shot back.

There was a knock at the door.

"That's my hair and makeup," Rayna said. "Can we finish this later?"

Teddy stood up and walked over to let Jennifer in. "Hey, you're busy until you go, so I'm just gonna get the girls' stuff together and get on the road."

"Teddy…" Rayna started as he walked out the door, but before she could say anything, he had gone.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Rayna pulled onto Deacon's street. She could see that his truck wasn't parked in front of his house, but she pulled up across from it anyway. His neighbor across the street was unloading a box from the back of his truck.

She got out of the Escalade and walked up to the man...she thought she remembered his name was Jerry.

"Hey, good morning!" she greeted him.

"Good to see you again," he replied, smiling. "Looking for Deacon?"

Rayna nodded. "You see any sign of him today?"

The neighbor shook his head. "Nope, truck's been gone since last night. His niece was around this morning, but she left about a half hour ago."

"Appreciate it," Rayna replied as she headed back to her car. She could try to reach Scarlett or just take a chance and head up to the cabin and see if he was there.

* * *

**Ten years earlier**

Rayna sat on the couch on the side of the stage, her eyes closed.

"Hard night?"

She opened her eyes up slowly to find Deacon standing in front of her. He had a glass of water and a bottle of Advil in his hands. She reached over to take them from him.

"Thanks," she replied, slowly as she tried to get the bottle open.

"Let me do that," he said as he sat down next to her and took the bottle from her. He opened the bottle and shook out 2 pills. "You eat anything today?" She nodded and he shook out two more and handed them to her.

She tossed the pills back and washed them down with her water. "Thanks."

She closed her eyes. She really just wanted Deacon to go away. He was the last person she wanted to be dealing with now.

"Where's Teddy?" Deacon asked.

"Headed back to Nashville. With the girls. Spring break's over and Maddie's back in school next week," Rayna said as she stayed seated with her eyes closed.

"Bet you'll miss 'em," Deacon replied.

She opened her eyes slowly and looked over at him. "Of course, but the worst part is, I know it's gonna be easier to be out here without them. I mean, what kind of a life is it for them on a bus?"

"I think they were having fun," Deacon replied. "At least Maddie was. I'm not sure Daphne has her mind on a lot more than eating these days."

"And filling her pants," Rayna replied with a laugh. "Thanks, Deacon."

"It's hard to be away from the people you love," he responded.

She looked over at him. She'd like to think he was talking about the girls, but a part of her bet that wasn't actually the case.

"Well, I better go check on the setlist and set-up for tonight," Deacon said as he stood up. "Drink some more water, Ray. You'll be fine."

She thanked him again, then watched as he walked away. She hated to admit it, but she could never not watch him walk away-those legs, the jeans, the boots...pretty sure she'd never watched Teddy that way. Ever.

* * *

"Good show, Rayna," Bucky said as she came off the stage. "So, we've got this next leg with Memphis, the show at Millsaps in Jackson and then two nights in New Orleans. But, we've got a problem."

"What's up?" Rayna asked as she took a sip of water from the bottle one of the road crew had handed her.

"The crew bus blew its engine coming over tonight. They'll have a replacement for us, but probably not until after Jackson. I can put them in a van, or…"

Rayna shook her head. "No, the girls are gone, it's just me in that big ole bus now, so let's just pretend it's the old days and have them come join me."

"You sure you're up for that?" Bucky asked.

Rayna smiled. "You know that whole diva thing is just for show, right?"

"Thanks, Ray. I really hated the thought of sticking them all in a rental van. But, we're gonna be short a bed."

"I'll take Deacon back with me," Rayna said. "I still have it set-up with two beds."

Bucky looked over at her and then nodded. "I'll let them know."

"Hey, at least he's seen me naked," Rayna said chuckling. "Nah, it'll be fine. Maybe we can get some writing done."

Bucky shook his head and walked away.

* * *

Rayna walked into the back of the bus to find Deacon setting his guitar in the corner next to the narrow bed.

"Not the palatial spread I expected you had back here," he said as he looked over to her.

"Well, it had been me and the girls back here," Rayna explained. "You okay with this?"

Deacon shrugged. "Probably better than sharing that top bunk with Sam."

"You want to keep the guitar out? See if we can work on the bridge for that new song?" she asked.

Deacon nodded. "Sure, I'm up for that."

"I'm gonna just get changed," Rayna said as she pulled a t-shirt and knit pants from the cupboard in the wall.

Deacon looked over at her. "You want me to close my eyes?" he teased her.

"Nothing you haven't seen before," she teased back. "No, I need to wash my face as well." She pulled her travel bag out and headed forward in the bus to the small bathroom.

When she came back, Deacon was sitting on the bed, still in his jeans, but his plaid shirt exchanged for a faded gray t-shirt. She pushed his boots out of the small aisle between their beds.

"Sorry," Deacon said as he looked up from the guitar.

Rayna sat down on her bed, pulling the pillow out and tucking it between her back and the wall. "I see your habit of just dropping those boots wherever they fall off your feet hasn't changed."

"They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks," Deacon replied.

"Not completely true," Rayna replied. "You've learned some new tricks."

"Or at least I'm not still performing the old tricks," Deacon replied. He strummed a chord as he began tuning his guitar.

"Proud of you, Deacon," Rayna said quietly.

He looked up at her. "I'm proud of us, Ray. Means a lot to me that we can do this, be here, be friends like this."

"Yeah," Rayna replied. She sat and watched as he kept tuning the guitar. "Actually, I'm kind of beat-didn't get that much sleep last night. You mind if I just tuck myself in?"

Deacon laid aside the guitar. "Of course."

Rayna pulled the covers back and climbed in. "Sleep well, Deacon."

He watched as she rolled onto her side, facing the wall. He leaned over and switched off the light, pulled back the covers on his own bed and sat there for a moment. After he heard her breathing become more even, he loosened his jeans and dropped them on the floor next to the bed and crawled between the sheets.

It make him ache to be on this bus, it gently swaying down the road toward Memphis with Rayna so close, but just as far away as ever.

"Deacon?"

He rolled on his side at the sound of her voice. "Yeah."

"Did you miss this? Bein' on the road together?" Rayna asked.

Deacon looked over at her, his eyes adjusting to the dark of the room. "I missed you. A lot. I missed being on the stage, but also being back here, with you, the quiet time."

"Do you wish it had worked out different?" she asked.

"Of course," Deacon replied. "Wish I had been able to be better, stay sober for you. Ray…"

"What?"

"Sometimes, I see you with those girls and I wish it was our family, the one we talked about."

Rayna was quiet, then Deacon could hear that she was crying.

"Ray? You okay?" he asked.

When she didn't answer, he got up and came over to her bed, pulled back the covers and slipped in next to her, holding her until finally she went back to sleep.

* * *

When Rayna woke up the next morning, the bus was quiet. They must have arrived at some point during the night. She could see the sun was starting to peak out from the horizon. Deacon was curled behind her in the tiny bed, his arms around her, still asleep.

In all the years they'd been together, sleeping in a bigger bed in a room just like this on so many other buses, she'd been the one to wake up first. Of course, as the years went on, many of those mornings, Deacon had passed out in bed with her and woke up hungover and miserable.

She rolled over to face him. As she did, his eyes opened.

"Mornin'," Deacon said quietly, his voice gravelly with sleep.

"I miss these mornings," Rayna said.

Deacon sat up, leaning against the wall. "You still have that little drip filter for making your own coffee?"

"You know I need my coffee in the morning," Rayna replied.

Deacon rubbed his hand across the stubble on his chin. "And I said that maybe someday we'd be big enough that they'd serve us our coffee in bed."

There was a knock on the door.

"You're kidding, right?" Deacon said.

Rayna slapped her hand over her mouth and pointed for Deacon to get back in his bed. But before he could get back to the other bed, Bucky pushed open the door and walked in holding a cup of coffee in his hand..

"Uh, sorry...I wasn't thinking...uh, Rayna, we've got radio in an hour, then sound check at 3 pm," Bucky stammered.

"I'm gonna grab my stuff and get out of here, go find a shower inside," Deacon said. He stood up, grabbed his jeans and boots from the floor, pushed past Bucky and left.

Rayna sat for a moment, not speaking.

"I brought you coffee," Bucky finally said, handing her the cup. "I'll just meet you outside in a few minutes.

Rayna put her game face on and went to do the morning show on the local country radio station, then walked back out into the lobby to find Bucky waiting for her.

"You want to go somewhere? Get something to eat?" Bucky asked.

Rayna nodded. "Yeah, sounds good."

She followed him out to the car, sitting without speaking next to him as they drove a couple miles to a diner they'd eaten at the last time they'd been in Memphis. Bucky got them a table and they sat down. He opened his menu, then noticed Rayna hadn't opened hers.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked.

She looked over at him. "I'm not sure," she replied and then opened her menu as well.

They sat looking over the fare until the waitress came by to take their order. After she left, Rayna heaved a big sigh.

"I know you must have something to say," she said, looking at her manager.

Bucky shook his head. "I've known you a long time, Ray. Deacon, too. And you know I'm on your side, but is this what you want to do?"

"We didn't do anything," Rayna shot back. "It was just...it was a hard night, with the girls being gone and Teddy being upset with me."

"And is Deacon in your bed the best way to deal with that?" Bucky asked. "I just want you to think carefully before you open that can of worms back up. I saw what it was like for you before and I know what it's been like these past five years with Teddy. I know what that costs you, Ray. Being away from him, but I also can see what it give you and I think you need to consider that."

Rayna nodded. "I don't know...can I keep him on the tour?"

Bucky shrugged. "It's probably something that only you can answer. But if he stays on the tour, you need to think about where your boundaries are. I crossed that line, Ray and now I see my kids a couple times a year. I don't think that's what you want."

Rayna nodded. She knew-she'd seen how hard it had been for Bucky when his marriage broke up. "I love Teddy, I do. But…"

"You love Deacon," Bucky finished for her. "You can choose Deacon, but remember what you're choosing-it's him, not your family and it's Deacon's baggage. You need to think about that, Rayna, cause it's easy now when he's sober and he's making music and he's there to hold you when you feel bad, but I remember a lot of times when that didn't happen anymore. You want to risk that?"

It hurt to have Bucky remind her of those times with Deacon, all those years she'd pushed back in her mind so that she could bring him back into her band. And Bucky wasn't saying it to hurt her. He was saying it because he was her friend.

Bucky reached across the table and took her hand. "I'll back you up, Rayna. No matter what you choose."

"Thanks," Rayna responded.

But she didn't know what she would choose. Or if she could. Yes, she could choose her family, but at that same time, she knew that choice was cheating Deacon out of the one thing he wanted more than anything else.

His family.

The choices she'd made five years ago would haunt her forever.

* * *

When she got back to the bus to get ready for soundcheck, all of Deacon's stuff was gone. In some ways it felt like the night before had never happened. She grabbed her things for the gig that night and walked back up to the front of the bus.

"Has Deacon been here already? His guitar is gone," she asked the driver, Mike.

"Yeah, he came to get his stuff, had a cab waiting," Mike replied.

"A cab?" Rayna asked.

"Something about his sister. He had to go home, said that Dean would be able to cover for him tonight. I think he's hoping he'll catch back up with you after New Orleans."

"Oh," Rayna answered. "Did he leave a note, or anything for me?"

The driver shrugged.

And just like that-Deacon was gone. Again.

TBC

_Thank you for the reading and for the reviews-as always, I really appreciate them. Thanks to my faithful pre-reader Beth Pryor for all of the feedback. Believe me, she makes this a better story for y'all!_

_I think we probably have one more chapter left here, but hey, hiatus is ALMOST over._


	7. Chapter 7

Rayna pulled onto the gravel road leading up to Deacon's cabin. Either she'd wasted two hours getting out here, or she knew him as well as she thought. She drove up slowly, taking the final turn that revealed the house he'd bought for her. And his truck parked next to it.

He was here. He'd run away from her, but he'd come here, to the place he'd bought to be their home. To the place he'd kept all the years they were apart.

He'd come to their home.

* * *

**Ten Years Earlier**

Deacon showed up at soundcheck for their second night in New Orleans. But he'd gone straight off the stage afterwards and disappeared again until just before the show. She'd finally caught him on the side of the stage during the final song of their opening act.

"Everything okay with Beverly?" she asked.

Deacon shrugged. "As good as it will ever be with her."

"Anything I can do?" Rayna asked as she reached out and touched Deacon's arm.

He let her hand rest there for a moment, then stepped back. "I think we got it under control. Thanks, Ray. Sorry for leaving you in a lurch there."

"Family comes first, Deacon. Just...tell me when you gotta go, okay?" she responded, as she pulled her hand back and crossed her arms in front of her.

Deacon nodded. "We good?"

"Yeah, we're good," Rayna answered.

* * *

She was sitting in her dressing room after the show when her phone rang. She looked down at the familiar number and sighed.

"Hey, Teddy-how are the girls?" she asked as she rested her head against her free hand.

She listened as Teddy filled her in on the girls' latest activities. "So, we're done until next month, but I really need to go finish the rest of the songs for the album, so I'm gonna take a couple of days, okay?"

She listened for a moment. "No, I'm gonna just hole up by myself. Yeah, just me."

She could tell him that she loved him a million times, but Teddy was never going to stop questioning it. He was always going to be looking over her shoulder for Deacon.

"I think it's best to just do it. Yes, I can understand why you feel that way. Teddy…"

She looked down at the phone where the call had ended.

"Everything okay?"

She looked back to see Deacon in the door to her dressing room.

"It's fine," she replied. She stood up. "So, I'll see you in a couple weeks?"

"You aren't heading back with us?" he asked.

She shook her head. "In a couple days. I'm gonna go work on some stuff, get my head together a little bit."

"This about what happened?" Deacon asked quietly.

She looked over at him, her voice low. "Nothing happened, Deacon."

"Night, then, Ray," he said as he stepped back from the door and left.

* * *

She ran away. Drove the rental car out of New Orleans and along the coast to Mississippi. It was a place she'd gone before, a little town filled with artists and hippies and nobody who was really into country music. It was a place where she could be along and think.

But thinking was hard, too. Cause Deacon kept popping up. She could feel his body curled around behind her at night and she'd roll over and turn on the light to see that no one was in bed with her.

The days passed and she called Teddy to say she'd be gone a bit longer. He didn't get angry this time. If anything, he sounded resigned. At night she'd walk to the little downtown and sit in the bar that had been opened up in what had been a small grocery store once upon a time and drink a local beer she'd become fond of, a sweet nut brown ale made from pecans.

And every time the door opened up, she'd look up, wondering if he'd walk in looking for her.

* * *

The next morning, Rayna looked across the bay at the still water of the Gulf, the sand soft under her feet. She'd been here in the little cottage for almost a week, not talking to anyone except Teddy and the girls each night before they went to bed.

Two songs mostly finished, but missing something. Still searching for something for the last two tracks. Her head was full, but it wasn't music.

She turned back toward the cottage when she saw him standing there on the boardwalk, his boots, plaid and jeans oddly out of place on this beach.

What was he doing here? She stood rooted in the same spot. He didn't come toward her, but he didn't leave either. He lifted his hand to shade his eyes as he searched across the sandy shore and then stopped as his eyes locked on hers.

He was here. He'd come. Why was he here? Why had he come?

She walked up toward him, then past without saying a word. He turned and followed her down the narrow street and up onto the porch of the little cottage.

"You just gonna follow me?" she asked.

He shrugged.

"What are you doing here, Deacon?" she asked as she paused at the door.

"I didn't like how we left it, Ray. I guess I was afraid if we didn't work it out, it would be like these past five years and...and I don't want it to be like that."

She pushed the door open and gestured for him to follow her in.

* * *

"So, how long you gonna stay here?" he asked as they walked out onto the back porch. The sun had started to set and you could begin to hear the night sounds of insects and birds.

"Another day or two," Rayna replied. "I'd hoped to get a little more work done before I headed back."

"Whatcha got so far?" he asked as he sat down in an adirondack chair.

She handed him a sweating glass of sweet tea and took the chair next to his. "Not much. A start to a couple of things, but nothing finished, not the five songs I need for the album."

"You want to work on it?" Deacon asked.

She looked over at him. "Teddy accuses me every day of being here with you."

"You want me to tell him that I came uninvited?" Deacon offered.

"I'd rather you hadn't come at all," she responded as she took a sip of her tea. "You shouldn't be here, Deacon."

"Was I wrong?" he shot back.

"Wrong to come?" she asked, looking over at him.

"Wrong that if I didn't, we wouldn't get past this."

She looked back out over the yard, the magnolia trees filled with their sweet scent. "Probably not." She looked back at him. "I'm not sure I can be friends with you, Deacon."

"We used to be friends, Ray. Can't we do that again?" Deacon pleaded.

Rayna let out a laugh. "We were a lot of things, Deacon, but we have NEVER been friends. We went from strangers to lovers. And then there was all that co-dependent crap and no, we have never been friends."

Deacon was quiet as the sounds of the night filled the space around them.

"Then what are we gonna do?" he finally asked. "Cause I know what my place in your life is now. I get that and I know why it has to be that way, but I don't think I want to live without you somewhere in my life, Rayna. It's...it's just too empty."

The sun set and they were in the dark. Neither one spoke for a long time.

"I want that, too," Rayna finally said. "I want us to be friends, I want you to be in my life, but it has to be this life, Deacon. It's a life where I have Teddy and I have my girls and if I'm gonna have you, it's as a friend. It can never be anything other than that. Can you do that?"

He reached his hand over and took hers. "I can do that."

He would always have her heart. As much as she wanted to make it not so, it was impossible. But for so many reasons, this-sitting in the dark, with his hand in hers, that was all it could be. All that it would be.

* * *

**Present Day**

As she pulled up the cabin, she could see the lights on and Deacon at the sink. She thought back to that night in Mississippi, so long ago, the night that they promised to be friends. And they had done it. For nearly ten years and when it was over, it was for so many other reasons than the quiet resolution they'd had with one another and during that time Deacon had kept a lot of promises to her. He'd stayed sober, for the most part. And he'd stayed a friend. For the most part.

And she had kept him at an arm's length. She had done it to keep herself safe, even when it hurt him again and again. If Rayna had to be honest, she hadn't been much of a friend. She had kept him from Maddie, she had run from his love, she had pushed him away when he had come to her with his arms open.

She walked up to the door and opened it. He turned around to see her there. She never wanted to come back to a dressing room or a house and find him gone again. It was time for that all to end. Deacon wasn't her friend. He was her heart. He was her home. She was never going to be without him again.

* * *

The End

Thanks to everyone for reading and to those who gave me such great feedback.

And to Starbucks for the free Brandi Carlile download-it inspired me! Go buy this great album.

**"Wherever Is Your Heart"  
Brandi Carlile**

I think it's time we found a way back home  
You lose so many things you love as you grow  
I missed the days when I was just a kid  
My fear became my shadow, I swear it did

Wherever is your heart I call home  
Wherever is your heart I call home  
Though your feet may take you far from me, I know  
Wherever is your heart I call home

You made me feel like I was always falling  
Always falling down without a place to land  
Somewhere in the distance I heard you calling  
Oh it hurts so bad to let go of your hand

Wherever is your heart I call home  
Wherever is your heart I call home  
Though your feet may take you far from me, I know  
Wherever is your heart I call home

Even when you're high, you can get low  
Even with your friends you love, you're still alone  
We always find the darkest place to go  
God forgive our minds, we were born to roam

Wherever is your heart I call home  
Wherever is your heart I call home  
Though your feet may take you far from me, I know  
Wherever is your heart I call home

Oh God forgive my mind, oh God forgive my mind  
When I come home, when I come home  
Oh God forgive my mind  
There's a road that's long and winding, it hollers home  
I'm calling home

Oh God forgive my mind, oh God forgive my mind  
When I come home, when I come home  
Oh God forgive my mind, oh God forgive my mind  
When I come home, when I come home

Wherever is your heart I call home  
Wherever is your heart I call home

Though your feet may take you far from me, I know  
Wherever is your heart I call home  
Wherever is your heart I call home

Wherever is your heart I call home  
Though your feet may take you far from me, I know  
Wherever is your heart I call home


End file.
